Chitapa                                                            For listening the audio, please click here

By Dammam Bala

While English has generalized the term ‘uncle’ for father’s as well as mother’s brother, in tamil it is unique. Uncle or mama refers in tamil to your mother’s brother. Chitapa is the other term.

Your father’s brother is your chitapa by default. However, as your mother’s sister is Chiti, her husband also falls into ‘Chitapa bracket’. Many a times the latter could be more affectionate to you, by the very basic rule, he needs to like what his wife likes!

This episode is about my ‘Narayanan Chitapa’ He married Ramani Chiti, my mother’s younger sister in 1975. Their marriage took place in 1975, when I was in grade 5. It took place in Bangoor chattiram, at the vicinity of famous Mamangulam (remember, the Maha maham or Mamangam that comes every 12 years?)

The marriage is memorable to me, because of our Bhopal thatha and family coming down all the way from North to do the ‘Kannika dhanam’ Having 5 beautiful daughters, it was my thatha’s pastime to combine annual vacations with marriage plan in tamil nadu.

The fact that my Ramesh mama, left me in the chatiram and went to Hindi movie ‘budda milgaya’ makes me remember the episode until today I guess. We also had Ganesh mama, who was two/three years old and keep running behind my Ramani chiti, shouting ‘Ammi, Ammi’

At that time of Ramani chiti’s marriage, we had most of our marital relationships in sondham. Mostly its like a unbroken magi noodles to name the relationships as we call in tamil as ‘Idiyaapa Sikkal’. Narayanan chitapa was also distantly related to my father and even before marriage, he was my ‘Ondru vitta chitapa’ and got promoted to my ‘Direct chitapa’ after marrying Ramani Chiti.

He had great respect and love for my father, calling him Anna and he visited us in Tanjore few months after his marriage. He was working in Pvt Firm in Coimbatore by then. Though chitapa had to truncate his education due his father’s early demise, he had a good job and looked pretty fashionable. In fact when he visited us, he had brought with him a fancy memento.

It was a hemispherical hollow glass piece, filled with water and some shiny particles submerging a Taj Mahal minature model’ and it was a night lamp. When my brother Radha said it looks beautiful, instantaneously chitapa presented it to him. (After many years only, he told he bought it for personal use and since kid liked it, he gave it away!)

Our relationship with our chitapa grew stronger as we keep visiting each other in Coimbatore and Tanjore. We travelled together to Kanchipuram, Chennai and Rameshwaram too. Narayanan chitapa had special interests towards English movies; but he genuinely admitted that ‘too many conversations sometimes make a movie, incomprehensible’ During my annual leave visits to Coimbatore , he took me to the famous Enter the Dragon and Invincible Six.

He was a pioneer in usage of electronics in our family; the first one to have a ‘Jumbo size- Panasonic Tape recorder’ (just a mono, but state of art technology of 70’s). He had a hand held mini projector, viewer to watch spider man cartoon movie. He decorated his house with beautiful things and he did influence me in many ways to become a gizmo later.

After schooling, I joined PSG and started my first year as a day scholar from Ramani chiti’s house. Even after moving to college hostel and subsequently to GD Naidu’s I kept visiting them during week ends. Chitapa paid great attention to my studies and kept paying my college fees even before funds arrive from my father’s side. One time he even paid my senior Cheenu’s college fees to support some unexpected delay.

What I like with my chitapa is his positive attitude and self confidence. At times he faced career reversals, but took them as challenges to make a come back every time. He kept learning by self and mastered ‘Tally and other accounting practices’. He could be found very strict and blunt with people in transactions and even in normal conversations. But to me, he was exceptionally kind and it was my week end responsibility to do massaging to him.

He stood all the way with me at my difficult times too. My dad was severely ill during my college final and went into critical condition during my masters. Chitapa supported as physically, mentally and financially all along those dark days. If it was not the case, I could have easily become as one of the drop-outs!

Chitapa galvanized my mindset and taught me to face the world. Once we took a house for rent and changed soon to another one nearby. The house owner kept dogging us without returning our advance money. Chitapa, guided me to put a second lock to the house, the owner came running to us to settle the amount, the very next day.

In the past 25 years, Chitapa has supported me in my decision making including my marriage with Radhika. And all these years I stay outside India , we keep visiting them during annual vacations. Chitapa has extended his love to my son Aakash and he keeps chatting with him, Thata, thata which makes me happy too.

He keeps telling that me the employers abroad are very clever. ‘The pay you a good salary, but they make you spend a lot of money in their own country by making you live there maintaining a good standard of living’. We keep visiting our Family Goddess temple in Karur, travelling together backed by Chitapa’s meticulous planning and excution right from Lodge, Puja items, ticket booking to every single detail.

Narayanan chitapa is 63 years old now and yesterday happens to be his birthday. In my busy firefighting in office, I missed to greet him yesterday. I no longer attempt to do massage to him at this age. But just a random thought on him, makes me think.. ‘Responsibilities are NOT to be given, they are to be taken!’


Cheers

Bala G(ot to thank Ashok for inspiring me to write on my Chitapa :-)